I’m going to get right to the crux of this one. I have never been more disappointed in my life.

I saw this movie back in the early 80’s. So I was freshly into being double digits in age. To my much less nuanced and developed mind, this movie was awesome! Quite possibly the first fantasy movie I had ever seen. For reference, this was 3 years after Star Wars introduced us to a galaxy far far away. Two years before Arnold flexed his pecs into Conan. The world hadn’t been given much in the way of fantasy worlds to explore. And so it was that Hawk the Slayer found its way deep into my heart. 

Over the years I have often thought lovingly upon it. And in 2022, there was a resurgence as a Hawk the Slayer comic mini series came out. I was holding off on reading it until I had all 5, and alas, I am still missing issue 5. So I have no clue how good it was. But man was I excited about it coming out.

The story has been on my mind a lot lately, so I took the time to rewatch it.

What a terrible mistake that was.

To say this movie doesn’t hold up is a massive understatement. It does a disservice to massive understatements. Because this movie is terrible. Part of my childhood died when I rewatched this. 

Hawk is a very boring character. The big power of the story is the Elfin Mindsword, which has the ability to float (very slowly) to the hand of Hawk. Not a very exciting power, just one tiny thing a Jedi could do! He roams the land arriving just in time to save old friends of his who then decide to join Hawk on his journey. The big bad of the movie is his older brother (played by Jack Palance, who is so much older than Hawk he seems like he could be his father or grandfather!) The story? Not worth going into. It sucks. The one thing I recalled and was very hyped to see again was when the Elf leaps firing an arrow at an enemy, but he is so fast that they replay the leap 5 times, with each arrow finding a different target. It stuck with me as an awesome moment. But it was dethroned by the dude in this who had a machine gun crossbow! 

I was excited to watch this, and then found myself regretting it. I imagine the only people watching this are ones doing so out of nostalgia. Anyone coming to this with the thought of watching a good fantasy movie will be greatly disappointed. 

There is no rating I can give this. Nostalgia would give it a great one, but reality would knock it down so many that I am certain we don’t have the ability to rate something that low.