First off I love the nuanced title that references the anti Dungeons and Dragons sentiment back in the 80’s

This movie starts with a bang. Literally. A police team is checking out a building where they have found dozens of dead bodies, then see a man sitting in a chair who appears dead but raises a gun at them. So they all cut loose, filling the man with dozens of bullets. Then a moment later he raises the gun again and they open fire again. And again. Before one of them notices a chain attached to his arm causing the hand to be raised. Following the chain, they find a man chained up on the other end trying to find a way out. He panics when the cops come in and tries to cut off his hand to escape.

We jump to him in an interrogation cell with two cops grilling him. He claims if he doesn’t get out of there in less than 90 minutes a force will be coming that will kill them all. He refers to himself as “the traveller.” 

And I gotta say, I was all in. This opening 8 minutes was a great set up. 

Then it shifts to chapter 2 Tambien Lo Vi.

At this point, it is very unclear what is going on and why he is relating this tale of Gustavo. Gustavo is going through an intricate pattern with the light on his cell phone. Trying to show something to the food delivery guy. What he is trying to show him, we don’t know. Because we don’t see anything. The next morning he is talking to his sister Jessy (it is also spelled Jessi sometimes on his phone, which is very confusing) on chat over the computer at a table littered with Rubik’s Cubes. AHA. A clue. Patterns. The Traveller talked about portals. And now we see this guy Gustavo running patterns with the light on his phone and also solving Cubes. In my mind, I have now jumped to a Lament Configuration style of story. Later that night, a man comes over, a paranormal investigator type. And Gustavo goes back to running the pattern with his phone. Always saying at the end “Did you see it?” After multiple times of the person seeing “nothing”, we can see in his eyes that the man saw “something.” He then abruptly and rudely leaves. Leaving Gustavo a bit confused. And also still frustrated at the lack of anyone else “seeing” what he is trying to show them. 

The next day though, everything changes. Obviously something seems to be in the dark corners of the house with him, hiding in the shadows. Only slightly revealing itself in mirrors. 

I have a confession here. I literally fell asleep as Gustavo’s story finished and we went back to the interrogation room. 

But man, 30 minutes into this movie and I am very into it (Ignore the bit about me falling asleep, sometimes I’m like a shark. As long as I’m doing something, I’m good. But if I sit down on the couch, I’m asleep. I have Couchalepsy. 

But back to the interrogation cell. A tense exchange between them all ends with a wry smile on the Travellers face as he says “You bet your asses I’m telling you a vampire story.”

Again… I’m intrigued. And ready for what comes next. 

But then “next” came in the form of chapter 3 El Vampiro. A farcical vampire tale that refuses to take anything seriously. The feel of the first 30 minutes is gone. Going from Hellraiser to Dracula Dead And Loving It is a real buzzkill. 

So the interrogation room aspect is simply a linking mechanism for this anthology movie.

Chapter 4 Nahuales

This one starts with a bit of an odd setup. A man on the run with a dead body on the back of a donkey. He gets back home and exhibits massive paranoia leading up to a phone call from an American agency trying to get him to testify against a cartel. But the cartel isn’t what has spooked him, and it isn’t what he should be afraid of. The core story here is about shapeshifters and the connective thread comes from the Traveller explaining why he has a vial of blood in his possession. This was a dark and spooky tale that I felt fit with the tone the movie should have maintained for all stories. 

Chapter 5 The Hammer of Zanzibar 

Was another miss for me. It was too short. Trying to set up a bigger story but doing so within a 15-20 minute segment just didn’t work. This needed to be a longer form story in order to get the depth we needed. Just being a massacre in a restaurant didn’t do enough for me.

But then we get to the resolution. The Traveller was worried about an entity catching up with him. San La Muerte. And that was a nice conclusion. Although I still think it would have been better had there been more depth to the story. 

For me, this was 6 parts in total with 2 of them being better off not included. Make this 2 hour movie into 75 minutes and it is better. Do a serious vampire story and it is so much better of a movie. The tone would have been more consistent. I don’t ask for much (other than an occasional unhappy ending.)

When it comes to rating this, I really want to rate them by chapter.

Chapter 1 – The set up, but for me, it gets a solid 8.

Chapter 2 – This gets a 10 star rating from me, and I want to see more of this story!

Chapter 3 – This gets a 1 star rating from me. 

Chapter 4 – This one gets a 7 from me, well done but felt rushed. 

Chapter 5 – I’m feeling generous and give this a 5. More space to flesh it out would have helped.

Chapter 6 – Love the wrap up concept of this. Truly feel like this could have been a bigger movie.

As a whole I am going to rate with the idea of ignoring 3 & 5. 9 stars feels right for me.