There are times when I know that I am not the intended audience of a particular item. This movie is incredibly obvious that I am not the proper audience. However, I don’t know who that audience is. Nor do I really want to.

From the start, this movie had me completely uninterested. It starts with the main character arriving late at an acting casting call for extras. The first sign of the quality of this movie came with the casting lady. She is walking away, talking on the phone telling someone how terrible a three hour casting call is, then she pauses on the phone to respond and berate the main character. She tells him that he is late for the casting call that happened 45 minutes ago. It isn’t often that such an inconsistency happens practically within the same shot.

Tommy, stumbles and bumbles his way through life in the most idiotic way possible. He responds to interactions in stupid ways and doesn’t realize it. At his job in a bookstore, a woman asks him where the bathroom is and he points to his chest and says “right here.” Then he doesn’t understand why his coworker says something to him, or why his boss fires him.

Moving on, the movie apparently turns into an anthology. I wasn’t aware of this really until I read something about it online. It wasn’t very clear or very well done. The first story we see Tommy becoming an actor in snuff films. I use the term loosely, because his acting is beyond atrocious. The second story he infiltrates a movie set where Arnold is making a workout video. Among bad Terminator jokes and comments about his job as governor, an idiotic story takes place. He decides to kill and skin Arnold so he can act in his place. The third story he is a porno director on set and things get, well, even dumber. But the one thing which was missing throughout this was any sort of gruesome death of Tommy Pistol (and trust me, I was really looking forward to it.) Oh, but then the three stories come to an end and we see that he had an accident. He was masturbating and apparently the top of his penis exploded.

Sorry if I ruined it for you. Apparently that is the Gruesome Death. Shows like Criminal Minds and NCIS routinely have more gruesome death scenes. Hard to believe I am saying this, but after 90 some odd minutes of blah and bad, the end was anti-climactic. Even though that is an oxymoronic statement given the actual end.

So, what does all this mean (as if you couldn’t figure that out yet.) I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone. There are comments online that this is Troma-esque. And that may very well be. After watching Poultrygeist, I was blown away by how piss poor a Troma film was. I have fond memories of Toxic Avenger. It boils down to making an attempt and having something kinda good but without the funds to make it really good compared to attempting to make something with that goal in mind. Reminds me of the recent GrindHouse film revival. If you try and make it that way, you will fail. And this does just that. It fails. Utterly and completely. When I try and figure out a star rating part of that is based on my likelihood to rewatch it. I watch some great stuff and some bad stuff. And I rewatch some stuff that isn’t that great. But when you reach the bottom end of the star spectrum, you aren’t likely to be in my potential rewatch list. However, from time to time a movie drops below that spectrum. What lies below? Well in terms of stars, it is the Black Star. A -1 rating. What that means for me personally is that a Black star movie will not go on my DVD shelf. The case will be used for something else and the disc will be on the very bottom of the DVD spindle.